After I have the MRI I may see the back doctor for the 2nd time 2 weeks after the MRI. I saw him in December of 2009, not my doctor, but his assistant. He asked me many questions. He gave me 2 options, lifelong cortisone shots in my back or surgery. He showed me my xrays and cat scan and explained what they would do if I elected to have surgery. He gave me the information about the surgery and the percentage of successful outcomes and of the risks. That day I elected surgery and made that my choice.
Why? I am in chronic pain day after day after day, even in my sleep. It affects the amount of things I can do; I have more limitations now than ever before. This is discouraging to me and affects my mental health as well, easily leading me into depression. I go out very little; mainly I only go to my appointments, maybe for coffee with James and then home again. Some days I stay in my P.J.s all day, because I know but I know that I will not go out and might actually allow myself 2 days a week to stay in bed all day. I will rest, other than I usually making dinner with James or by myself.
Chronic pain wears a person down so fast. It is like an enemy that I can medicate, but it always returns to remind me why I take the meds in the first place, to alleviate the pain. My doctor gave me t3s and I am taking Neurontin again ( a medicine I took in Victoria for nerve pain): Neurontin is supposed to relieve the nerve pain associated with my back and we have had to start it and increase the dose each few days.
Today I increase my Neurontin once more. I see my precious doctor on Monday.(I say precious because for 2 years she dealt with my mental and physical health both, which took a lot of her time and extra effort.) This increase will be more difficult as I might need to rest a lot today and tomorrow. (Neurontin makes me tired.) James just told me that he would love and support me through yet another med increase and last night I stopped a night time medication that I was weaning off of and found out it was actually keeping me awake. How? I was tired enough to go to sleep 2 hours after I took my other medications. Amazing!!! I am so happy to be able to go to sleep at a decent hour now.
I have had pain many other times in my life . That pain though was treatable and did not last this long. This time I have to use Jame's walker whenever I leave our home to go out. Without it I can only walk one block, then I am limping and in agony. By agony I mean that my back feels like it is on fire. I cannot walk through big malls and stores anymore unless I know what I want and can go directly there to get it. I have learned to ask for store directions.
Once about a year ago, James and I went to Walmart at Lougheed Mall. By the time we left I was almost in tears and could barely walk with the burning pain in my back. At those times a day of rest would stop the pain but that does not happen anymore. My feet are swollen like little piggies now. I have edema (swelling with pain) from my ankles all the way to my knees. This Monday I will get a prescription for compression stockings that I will have to wear daily. I am so grateful that when one is on disability that the ministry covers these medical needs, or I would not be able to get many things that are too expensive. (that would include my medications, my stockings, my tena products,etc.)
I have been truly blessed that James is in my life and that he is so patient and kind with me. Very few men would be able to handle my outbursts due to pain or my mental health issues. When I have appointments James does his very best to come with me so I have his support at all times. I have finally been given the gift from God of having a man who sacrificially loves me and goes out of his way to make me happy.
What makes me sad though, is that I know many people suffer with chronic pain and they are alone. They have no one to support them or to care for them on their bad days. Some of these people are even the homeless people in our city that spend more time outside than inside. If you are cold most of the time your pain increases a lot. My heart goes out to these people and some people just don't care or don't understand. In reality, unless you have suffered chronic pain it is a very hard concept to grasp.
I did a bit of research today before writing this blog and found two very good sites on chronic pain for further reading if you would like to educate yourself more on this subject. If chronic pain affects you or someone you care for I would recommend these.
http://www.jhu.edu/ and also http://pain.about.com/
The first link is for John Hopkin's University, where they do much medical research. You go to the site and on the right hand corner there is a search bar at the top. Just enter chronic pain and it will bring up 11 pages of information with 105 topics. The second link is from About.com site and I find their writing is easier to understand and when you open this page it is only on chronic pain and it describes it and gives a lot more information too.
I believe in people doing research so that when they do go and see a medical professional they can ask educated questions. Some doctors don't appreciate that, but with the internet being so available, many doctors are very helpful if you say you did some research and have some questions. My doctor and psychiatrist are getting used to me looking things up and bringing my questions or suggestions to them.
It takes awhile to build that kind of rapport with your doctor, but it is worth the effort. I want to warn you though, don't just google medical information, go to any site and believe what you read. Go to reliable sites such as: The Mayo Clinic, John Hopkins University, Candian Mental Health Association and so on. If you need a new doctor for any reason, you can google The College Of Physicians and Surgeons for BC. There you will find on the left side of the page a link for doctors accepting new patients. These are just a few suggestions to help with your health care. I hope they are helpful for you and if you know of others that need to read this, please give them my blog url so they can access this article.
I must end this, as I need another cup of coffee. I now try to only have 2 cups in a day, as I believe it was also affecting my inability to sleep well at night. I do take an extra cup though, making 3 in a day if I need to take more than 3 t3s in a day. It helps the t3 really help, because then you have the codeine and caffeine in your medicine and also in a cup. That is why I joined the "coffee" fan club on facebook and I take much joy in going to Starbucks(also a fan of Starbucks) sometimes to get a really strong brewed coffee. You can get a Starbucks card and there are perks for us in Canada....you get a free coffee on your bday; you get free refills in the restaurant; you get to ask for flavor shots for free. So chronic pain is t3s (which tend to quash one appetite) , coffee and a lot of rest...sitting and laying (standing and walking is very painful). I hope this helps someone besides me. If you read this and like it or have other suggestions for me, please leave a comment in my comment box. Thank you.(and yes, I am addicted to good coffee...lol)
Thought for the Day:
When you are in pain give yourself permission to rest for a day or two, but also do a little bit so you don't get discouraged or depressed. Try to do things you enjoy while you rest, by rest I mean sit or lay down, not necessarily sleep. Sleep helps a little, but too much of anything will throw your life out of balance, so try to do everything a bit, just know it might take a bit longer and that's okay.
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