FRIENDSHIP

FRIENDSHIP

Definition of a Friend:

A companion; confidant(to entrust in one, to speak to one and know what is said will be kept in confidentiality).

FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF A WHOLESOME FRIENDSHIP

(I am aware there are more characteristics or attributes to friendship, but these are the ones that make a really good start to a healthy relationship between two people.)

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  Loyalty: faithful, trustworthy, devoted, constant
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  Honesty: truthful, sincere, impartial, one with integrity
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  Respect: holds another in esteem, considerate, polite
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  Kindness: helpful, thoughtful, gentle, compassionate
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  Forgiveness: to pardon, give one freedom to be human

Many years ago, I submitted a poem online to a site.  It was published in that years annual poetry volume. Sadly I lost that book, along with all my other written work. (even all the music I had written from 1978 to 2006) I was very happy to have my poem published. I  have not pursued song or poetry writing since then.

The poem I submitted was titled  TAPESTRY and the premise of the poem was that of comparing our life with a tapestry work, woven with different color strands on the back, each representing people that came into our lives. (a tapestry looks very messy on the back, but when the front is seen the picture is very beautiful to behold.)

 The tapestry took many years to complete. When it was completed and turned over, there were strands of gold and silver threaded through all the colors.(the gold represented God's help and the silver our trials). The finished tapestry was a beautiful picture of all the people who had touched our lives.

The following verses represent the trait of LOYALTY...one of the five characteristics of Friendship.

But Ruth said: “ Entreat me not to leave you,

Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
(This is taken from the book of Ruth in the Bible. Ruth could have gone back home to her own country after her husband died and be with her own family and have an easy life, but she chose to stay with her mother-in-law Naomi, who was now also a widow and go with her no matter what the cost to herself.)

Friendship is a very intricate, delicate and beautiful gift between two people. One of the most meaningful gifts of friendship is coming to the comfort level of silence. A place where neither person needs to talk just for the sake of talking. I truly believe when that is achieved that there is a knowing, something like a kindred spirit. Silence is so rare in our society today, but can really be a gift at times.

The following verses below symbolize the trait of RESPECT.

1 Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2 Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. 3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. (This is from I Samuel 18 and is the portrait of true friendship between David, who would be king; and Jonathan, Saul's son who was king at this time. The meaning to us today is that David and Jonathan made a treaty with one another to be as close as real life brothers forever on this earth. When both Saul and Jonathan died in battle, David kept his promise to Jonathan by looking for any living relative who he might help. There was only one, and he was crippled, but David told them to get him and he took care of him and all his needs were met out of respect for his deep friendship with Jonathan.) You can research this out in I Samuel and fine the story for yourself if you like.

 Some people thrive and grow when they have many friends. They seem to have the energy to connect with many people in their lives and find much pleasure in this.

There are other people who thrive on solitude and have only one or two close friends in their lives. They spend time cultivating a close friendship and are more concerned  with the quality of the friendship rather than the quantity of friends.

There is nothing wrong at all with either of these types of people. There are also people who can find a balance somewhere in the middle and be very content with several friends. They have the ability to have some close friends and some acquaintances and are happy with this lifestyle.

The following verse represents the trait of HONESTY as when one receives counsel, that counsel is truthful and sometimes painful to the hearer. 

Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.(King Solomon who wrote the book of Proverbs (this is 27:9) wrote much on wisdom therein. This verse says to me that a friend will give good counsel and advice to his fellow man. We all need a friend who is truthful with us.)

There are many aspects and characteristics to peruse and dwell on in our hearts and minds regarding the subject of friendship. What are you like? Do you like to be around many people?  Do you like to go out or have many guests in your home?  Do you like to sit over a coffee with one friend and share the weeks events? Do you like to gather a few friends together and go to a movie? Much to think on.

One thing though I find vitally important to say, is to never take a friendship for granted. I have been guilty of this many times in my lifetime. Looking back on this, it saddens me how many friends I might have today that I lost.

• The first way was by not getting their addresses when they moved away, or nowadays phone numbers and email addresses.
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  Sometimes by being selfish or envious or uncaring.
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  Unforgiveness kept me from mending hurts I caused.
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  Having too many expectations of what a friend should be or do.
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  Allowing the friendship to last when it was not going well and neither of us were being a blessing to the other.

The following verses speak of the trait of KINDNESS.

13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. (This is from John 15 and describes the kind of friend we might strive to be, but foremost the kind of relationship Jesus wishes to have with us personally.)

These are just some examples I can think of now, but I am sure I could make a lengthy list of more if I sat and thought about it more.

The following verse represents the trait of FORGIVENESS because truthful speach often first causes hurt to the hearer.

As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (This comes from Proverbs 27:vs 17 and it speaks of in a practical way that if iron and iron rub they sharpen each other, well so do we as people often rub against each other, somtimes even painfully so, but in the end it helps our countenance, which I believe is our soul, and the work that is done on the inside of a man and then shines out to others)

As a child and teenager I did not have a lot of friends, but I had a few close ones. When they moved away it broke my heart.

As a young adult, a wife and a mother I made friends more easily with women because I was in a small community and we had our children and church activities in common.

When I left my marriage in 1992, I moved to a bigger city on the island and made many church friends. The problem though was that they were only my friends in church.(not their fault, they were couples and there was no outreach to single people). I felt left out many times, but made friends  with many youth and would have coffee with them outside of church which was very uplifting to me.

In 2000 I moved to Victoria and found it very hard to make friends. I did make friends at an outreach to anyone in the city, and once again, with those outside the church. I made friends with people in my apartment building too, but in general, I felt very alone.

I began to see a counsellor and was told I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by the fall of 2000. I found a clinic where there was doctors, a psychiatrist and counsellors all in one building. That was helpful until 2004 and then I had to find another doctor and in the years of 2004-2006 I ended up in the emergency dept. more times than I can recall due to anxiety and depression. After awhile they would not help me when I went there and I did not know what to do, but knew I needed some help to be able to cope with life as it was.

In 2007 I made a very wise decision. I chose to move back to the mainland, to Vancouver, where I grew up as a teenager. I did this to find quality medical care. As in Victoria I ended up in the Emergency Dept. more times than I could count for 2 months, but then found a lady doctor in a walk-in clinic that treated me with dignity and respect from our first meeting on.

Today I have the following:

• a great doctor at Ultima Medical Centre
• a good dental team at Vancouver General Hospital
• a good mental health team called the North East Team
• a good doctor that helped me at St.Pauls Hospital
• a great Chaplain friend that helps me with spiritual matters
• great friends in the business sector of town in Bentall Centre
• 3 daughters and 2 grandaughters that love me always
• a great man in my life who loves me without conditions and who is proud of all I am and all I do

This verse below is one of the only ones not on my list of 5 characteristics of Friendship, but it is a verse about God's LOVE for His people. In order to have and be a friend, LOVE is necessary, often sacrificial LOVE.

The trait of LOVE is what binds friendship together!

6 Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave;[a]Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame.[b]7 Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised.
(this is one of my favorite verses on the depth of love in the Bible. For further study on LOVE you can also read I Corinthians 13, known as the LOVE chapter and the book of I John has many verses on love in it as well. If you want to do any study on A WORD in the Bible you can look that word up on Bible Gateway site and it will give many verses to read there, you don't even need to own a Bible, as it is all on computer now. The link for that site is http://www.biblegateway.com/ and it is an amazing site to do research on with many Bible translations and study tools. I use it almost daily)

This week I am joining a group that meets once a week for 10 weeks. I might connect with a lady there and be able to work on a friendship. That would be an added blessing if that happens. I also have a friend to call that I met 3 weeks ago and had not seen since Novemeber of 2008. We will go for a coffee together soon. I am looking forward to that very much.

When I form a friendship with anyone, I believe strongly in a give/give relationship. It takes both people giving of themselves to begin and maintain a healthy friendship.  If both don't give to one another, then hurt can set in and a feeling of being taken for granted. This ought not to be.

It amazes me how some people make friends so easily, that is not my nature anymore. Was it ever, I honestly don't know.??? In any case, I reach out to people online right now and those that reach back I am able to begin a friendship with. I am cautious at first because I have a habit of giving too much information too early and too fast.

With nurture and care some friendships might grow into wonderful gifts. If they do I will be thankful and if not, I will still be thankful for trying. With all that said, I hope you will really dig deep into your own heart and see where you are at with your friendships right now. Do some need some work? Do you need to say sorry to someone? Do you need to end a relationship that is harmful rather than helpful?

I hope this blog helps you think about those in your life that you call friends and those yet to come that you will call friends. The gift of friendship, is just that, a gift. Once the gift is received however, it must be unwrapped and carefully opened. Then when you see the gift you will see the beauty of it. That is what makes friendship such a blessing, it is an exciting and mysterious adventure.

May you always be blessed in knowing how to relate to others and in allowing them to be themselves in relating to you. As you share who you are and where you have come from, this allows the other person to know that they too can be real and share their life with you. To open up and be vulnerable is the first step of any friendship. It may be hard to do for some, but is usually so worth it. 

Always enjoy who you are. Remember you are here for a reason, God does not make mistakes. He made you to be just the way you are and that is a blessing to others. In a friendship just be you, let the other person be them and you will experience a blossom of friendship opening like the petals of a rose.

In closing, do not allow others to change who you are through words, control, manipulation or abuse. Why? cuz God made you just as you are and you are His child. He does not make mistakes and wants your personality to shine and be radiant for Him. He loves you all the time.

Take that love, share it with others and you will see your life enriched. God bless all who read this...your friend, Val