CREATIONS BY THE HEART

LOVE IN ACTION

2010-03-07T20:09:00.001-08:00

This is a true story

This is dedicated to all children in hospital that are ill and to their families.

In Calgary , Alberta a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who

was dying of terminal leukemia.

Although her heart was filled with sadness,

she also had a strong feeling of determination.

Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up &

fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible..

the leukemia would see to that. But she still

wanted her son's dream to come true.

She took her son' s hand and asked,

'Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted

to be once you grew up?

Did you ever dream and wish what you would

do with your life?'

Mommy, 'I always wanted to be a fireman

when I grew up.'

Mom smiled back and said, 'Let's see if we can

make your wish come true.'

Later that day she went to her local fire

Department in Calgary , where she met

Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Alberta

She explained her son's final wish and

Asked if it might be possible

to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, 'Look, we can do

better than that. If you'll have your son ready at

seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make

him an honorary Fireman for the whole day.

He can come down to the fire station, eat with us,

go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards!

And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniformfor him, with a real fire hat -

not a toy - one-with the emblem of the Calgary Fire Department on it, and a yellow

slicker like we wear and rubber boots.'

'They're all manufactured right here in Calgary ,

so we can get them fast.'

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy,dressed him in his uniform and

escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck.

Billy got to sit on the back of the truck

and help steer it back to the fire station.

He was in heaven.

There were three fire calls in Calgary that day

and Billy got to go out on all three calls.

He rode in the different fire engines,

the Paramedic's' van,

and even the fire chief's car.

He was also videotaped for the

local news program.

Having his dream come true,with all the love and attention that was lavished upon

him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor

thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to

drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed

in the hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family

members to the hospital.

Then she remembered the day Billy had spent

as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and

asked if it would be possible to send a fireman

in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.

The chief replied, 'We can do better than that.

We'll be there in five minutes.. Will you please do me a favor?

When you hear the sirens screaming and see the

lights flashing, will you announce over the

PA system that there is not a fire?'

'It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will

you open the window to his room?'

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended

its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window--------

16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room.

With his mother's permission,

they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.

With his dying breath,

Billy looked up at the fire chief and said,

'Chief, am I really a fireman now?'

'Billy, you are, and The Head Chief.

Jesus, is holding your hand,' the chief said

With those words, Billy smiled and said,

'I know, He's been holding my hand all day,

and the angels have been singing..'

He closed his eyes one last time.

Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and in sincerity).

(THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE: I JOHN 3:18)

FRIENDSHIP

2010-02-12T21:51:00.026-08:00

FRIENDSHIP

Definition of a Friend:

A companion; confidant(to entrust in one, to speak to one and know what is said will be kept in confidentiality).

FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF A WHOLESOME FRIENDSHIP

(I am aware there are more characteristics or attributes to friendship, but these are the ones that make a really good start to a healthy relationship between two people.)

Loyalty: faithful, trustworthy, devoted, constant
Honesty: truthful, sincere, impartial, one with integrity
Respect: holds another in esteem, considerate, polite
Kindness: helpful, thoughtful, gentle, compassionate
Forgiveness: to pardon, give one freedom to be human

Many years ago, I submitted a poem online to a site. It was published in that years annual poetry volume. Sadly I lost that book, along with all my other written work. (even all the music I had written from 1978 to 2006) I was very happy to have my poem published. I have not pursued song or poetry writing since then.

The poem I submitted was titled TAPESTRY and the premise of the poem was that of comparing our life with a tapestry work, woven with different color strands on the back, each representing people that came into our lives. (a tapestry looks very messy on the back, but when the front is seen the picture is very beautiful to behold.)

The tapestry took many years to complete. When it was completed and turned over, there were strands of gold and silver threaded through all the colors.(the gold represented God's help and the silver our trials). The finished tapestry was a beautiful picture of all the people who had touched our lives.

The following verses represent the trait of LOYALTY...one of the five characteristics of Friendship.

But Ruth said: “ Entreat me not to leave you,

Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
(This is taken from the book of Ruth in the Bible. Ruth could have gone back home to her own country after her husband died and be with her own family and have an easy life, but she chose to stay with her mother-in-law Naomi, who was now also a widow and go with her no matter what the cost to herself.)

Friendship is a very intricate, delicate and beautiful gift between two people. One of the most meaningful gifts of friendship is coming to the comfort level of silence. A place where neither person needs to talk just for the sake of talking. I truly believe when that is achieved that there is a knowing, something like a kindred spirit. Silence is so rare in our society today, but can really be a gift at times.

The following verses below symbolize the trait of RESPECT.

1 Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2 Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. 3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. (This is from I Samuel 18 and is the portrait of true friendship between David, who would be king; and Jonathan, Saul's son who was king at this time. The meaning to us today is that David and Jonathan made a treaty with one another to be as close as real life brothers forever on this earth. When both Saul and Jonathan died in battle, David kept his promise to Jonathan by looking for any living relative who he might help. There was only one, and he was crippled, but David told them to get him and he took care of him and all his needs were met out of respect for his deep friendship with Jonathan.) You can research this out in I Samuel and fine the story for yourself if you like.

Some people thrive and grow when they have many friends. They seem to have the energy to connect with many people in their lives and find much pleasure in this.

There are other people who thrive on solitude and have only one or two close friends in their lives. They spend time cultivating a close friendship and are more concerned with the quality of the friendship rather than the quantity of friends.

There is nothing wrong at all with either of these types of people. There are also people who can find a balance somewhere in the middle and be very content with several friends. They have the ability to have some close friends and some acquaintances and are happy with this lifestyle.

The following verse represents the trait of HONESTY as when one receives counsel, that counsel is truthful and sometimes painful to the hearer.

Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.(King Solomon who wrote the book of Proverbs (this is 27:9) wrote much on wisdom therein. This verse says to me that a friend will give good counsel and advice to his fellow man. We all need a friend who is truthful with us.)

There are many aspects and characteristics to peruse and dwell on in our hearts and minds regarding the subject of friendship. What are you like? Do you like to be around many people? Do you like to go out or have many guests in your home? Do you like to sit over a coffee with one friend and share the weeks events? Do you like to gather a few friends together and go to a movie? Much to think on.

One thing though I find vitally important to say, is to never take a friendship for granted. I have been guilty of this many times in my lifetime. Looking back on this, it saddens me how many friends I might have today that I lost.

The first way was by not getting their addresses when they moved away, or nowadays phone numbers and email addresses.
Sometimes by being selfish or envious or uncaring.
Unforgiveness kept me from mending hurts I caused.
Having too many expectations of what a friend should be or do.
Allowing the friendship to last when it was not going well and neither of us were being a blessing to the other.

The following verses speak of the trait of KINDNESS.

13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. (This is from John 15 and describes the kind of friend we might strive to be, but foremost the kind of relationship Jesus wishes to have with us personally.)

These are just some examples I can think of now, but I am sure I could make a lengthy list of more if I sat and thought about it more.

The following verse represents the trait of FORGIVENESS because truthful speach often first causes hurt to the hearer.

As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (This comes from Proverbs 27:vs 17 and it speaks of in a practical way that if iron and iron rub they sharpen each other, well so do we as people often rub against each other, somtimes even painfully so, but in the end it helps our countenance, which I believe is our soul, and the work that is done on the inside of a man and then shines out to others)

As a child and teenager I did not have a lot of friends, but I had a few close ones. When they moved away it broke my heart.

As a young adult, a wife and a mother I made friends more easily with women because I was in a small community and we had our children and church activities in common.

When I left my marriage in 1992, I moved to a bigger city on the island and made many church friends. The problem though was that they were only my friends in church.(not their fault, they were couples and there was no outreach to single people). I felt left out many times, but made friends with many youth and would have coffee with them outside of church which was very uplifting to me.

In 2000 I moved to Victoria and found it very hard to make friends. I did make friends at an outreach to anyone in the city, and once again, with those outside the church. I made friends with people in my apartment building too, but in general, I felt very alone.

I began to see a counsellor and was told I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by the fall of 2000. I found a clinic where there was doctors, a psychiatrist and counsellors all in one building. That was helpful until 2004 and then I had to find another doctor and in the years of 2004-2006 I ended up in the emergency dept. more times than I can recall due to anxiety and depression. After awhile they would not help me when I went there and I did not know what to do, but knew I needed some help to be able to cope with life as it was.

In 2007 I made a very wise decision. I chose to move back to the mainland, to Vancouver, where I grew up as a teenager. I did this to find quality medical care. As in Victoria I ended up in the Emergency Dept. more times than I could count for 2 months, but then found a lady doctor in a walk-in clinic that treated me with dignity and respect from our first meeting on.

Today I have the following:

a great doctor at Ultima Medical Centre
a good dental team at Vancouver General Hospital
a good mental health team called the North East Team
a good doctor that helped me at St.Pauls Hospital
a great Chaplain friend that helps me with spiritual matters
great friends in the business sector of town in Bentall Centre
3 daughters and 2 grandaughters that love me always
a great man in my life who loves me without conditions and who is proud of all I am and all I do

This verse below is one of the only ones not on my list of 5 characteristics of Friendship, but it is a verse about God's LOVE for His people. In order to have and be a friend, LOVE is necessary, often sacrificial LOVE.

The trait of LOVE is what binds friendship together!

6 Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave;[a]Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame.[b]7 Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised.
(this is one of my favorite verses on the depth of love in the Bible. For further study on LOVE you can also read I Corinthians 13, known as the LOVE chapter and the book of I John has many verses on love in it as well. If you want to do any study on A WORD in the Bible you can look that word up on Bible Gateway site and it will give many verses to read there, you don't even need to own a Bible, as it is all on computer now. The link for that site is http://www.biblegateway.com/ and it is an amazing site to do research on with many Bible translations and study tools. I use it almost daily)

This week I am joining a group that meets once a week for 10 weeks. I might connect with a lady there and be able to work on a friendship. That would be an added blessing if that happens. I also have a friend to call that I met 3 weeks ago and had not seen since Novemeber of 2008. We will go for a coffee together soon. I am looking forward to that very much.

When I form a friendship with anyone, I believe strongly in a give/give relationship. It takes both people giving of themselves to begin and maintain a healthy friendship. If both don't give to one another, then hurt can set in and a feeling of being taken for granted. This ought not to be.

It amazes me how some people make friends so easily, that is not my nature anymore. Was it ever, I honestly don't know.??? In any case, I reach out to people online right now and those that reach back I am able to begin a friendship with. I am cautious at first because I have a habit of giving too much information too early and too fast.

With nurture and care some friendships might grow into wonderful gifts. If they do I will be thankful and if not, I will still be thankful for trying. With all that said, I hope you will really dig deep into your own heart and see where you are at with your friendships right now. Do some need some work? Do you need to say sorry to someone? Do you need to end a relationship that is harmful rather than helpful?

I hope this blog helps you think about those in your life that you call friends and those yet to come that you will call friends. The gift of friendship, is just that, a gift. Once the gift is received however, it must be unwrapped and carefully opened. Then when you see the gift you will see the beauty of it. That is what makes friendship such a blessing, it is an exciting and mysterious adventure.

May you always be blessed in knowing how to relate to others and in allowing them to be themselves in relating to you. As you share who you are and where you have come from, this allows the other person to know that they too can be real and share their life with you. To open up and be vulnerable is the first step of any friendship. It may be hard to do for some, but is usually so worth it.

Always enjoy who you are. Remember you are here for a reason, God does not make mistakes. He made you to be just the way you are and that is a blessing to others. In a friendship just be you, let the other person be them and you will experience a blossom of friendship opening like the petals of a rose.

In closing, do not allow others to change who you are through words, control, manipulation or abuse. Why? cuz God made you just as you are and you are His child. He does not make mistakes and wants your personality to shine and be radiant for Him. He loves you all the time.

Take that love, share it with others and you will see your life enriched. God bless all who read this...your friend, Val

PRIDE VS. HUMILITY

2010-02-09T21:19:00.006-08:00

PRIDE VS. HUMILITY: (written by james allan ; feb.6/2010.)

(written by james allan; collaborated with val francis; finished result)

One of the worst causes of error prevailing today is spiritual pride. it is the main door through which the devil enters the hearts of those who zealously seek for Christ’s advancement. It is the main way Satan wields deception to take hold of the heart and hinder the work of God.

Until this infirmity is cured, medicine (the working of God through the holy spirit) is applied in vain. Pride stops god from being able to work in a hardened heart, as this heart does not grasp the word of god with discernment. Once the heart is so hardened, nothing can cure any other spiritual condition. a prideful person can read, pray, study as much as they want; all this will do is make them more prideful. It is like a veil put over the eyes that causes spiritual blindness.

Pride is much more difficult to discern than any other spiritual condition. The very nature of pride itself describes numerous people who have too high an opinion of themselves. It is no surprise then, that such people are unaware of this condition. They think their opinion have just grounds and therefore, they deceive themselves. As a result, there is no other matter in which the heart is more deceitful or unteachable. The very nature of pride is to work arrogance in the heart and drive away any suspicion of evil respecting itself. once more, a prideful person believes he is beyond reproach.

Spiritual pride takes many shapes and forms, wrapping the heart in constant layers of deception. Take off one layer and there is another underneath. Depending on the hardness of the heart, there are numerous layers of spiritual blindness. If these are pointed out to a prideful person, they will not accept correction. Therefore, it is necessary to have the greatest watch imaginable over our hearts and to earnestly cry to God for his help daily. The man who trusts his own heart is a fool and deceives himself. He needs to come to a place of humility in order to see his desperate need for god.

Since spiritual pride in its own nature is secretive, it cannot be well detected immediately. For an example, If two people meet and have a casual conversation, one person may not discern that the other is full of themselves. It is best identified by its effects and over time it can be seen by many. Pride just seems to ooze out of a person like a cancerous sore.

I will examine some of these effects of pride and contrast them with the virtue of Christian humility.

The spiritually proud person feels that he does not need instruction. he knows everything about everything, and therefore, he despises those who try to bring any form of correction into his life. On the contrary ,the humble person easily receives instruction. He is cautious in his estimate of himself, aware of how apt he is to go astray. If it is suggested to him that he has erred, he accepts the possibility that this may be true. He does not get angry with the one bringing correction, but he examines his own heart.

Proud people tend to look at and speak about the sins of others. Humble people however, are silent about the sins of others or speak of them with empathy or in prayer in private. (they would not gossip about others) The proud person finds fault with other believers for their lack of progress, giving them a feeling of superiority. In contrast, the humble person will examine his own heart and concentrate on his own walk with god, not having time nor the desire to find fault with others.

Spiritually proud people judge others with the harshest, most critical words. (example: you can’t be a christian because you smoke. You can’t be a christian because you don’t attend church regularly) Commonly, their criticism is directed against not only the unbeliever, but especially at god’s children. In contrast, Even with the evidence of God’s glory working in their lives, the humble recognize and are aware of their own sinful nature. Their exhortations to fellow Christians and unbelievers alike, are given in a loving and humble manner. they treat others with as much love, respect and gentleness as Christ treats them.

Spiritual pride often causes people to adopt a different way of speaking or behaviour. True humility though, will be firm in its duty ---going the way of heaven alone even if all the world forsake him. He does not delight in being different, but knows sometimes he must travel a lonely road. He is chooses to become all things to all men, to yield to others, to conform to them in order to help them, except he will not walk in sin.

Proud people take great notice of opposition and insult and are prone to speak with bitterness and contempt.(how dare you speak to me like that! Don’t you know I’m doing everything right!) Christian humility, on the other hand, allows a person to be more like his blessed Lord. For the humble Christian, the more furious the world is against him, the more silent and still he will be; unless it is in his prayer closet and then he will not be silent.

It is natural for a person under the influence of pride to take all the respect that is paid to them. If others yield in deference to him, he is open to it and joyfully accepts this treatment. In fact, he comes to expect such treatment and forms an ill opinion of those who do not give him what he feels he deserves, which is much attention from many people. One under the influence of spiritual pride is more apt to instruct others than to ask questions.

The humble person knows he needs help ; whereas the spiritually proud person thinks that everybody needs their help. The humble person can empathize with another’s pain, will petition god for wisdom and then offer kind and gentle support and advice. spiritual pride however, chooses to command and warn with authority, expecting immediate obedience to what they advise without compassion or empathy. Spiritual pride causes people to believe their ways are wiser than god’s ways and allows them to treat others with contempt. On the contrary, true humility causes people to seek god’s wisdom and guidance and to treat all men with honour and dignity.

In closing I am giving to you some scriptures from the word of god, which is the infallible truth by which all men ought to measure their character. I searched these out for myself today in writing this and you might find more for yourself. It is very important to read god’s word, but also I would recommend reading some books of those who have gone before us who have shared our great faith in god.

VERSES THAT APPLY TO THIS STUDY ARE WRITTEN FOR YOU BELOW

Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.

Proverbs 4:23 (nkjv)

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil

Proverbs 3: 5-7(NKJV)

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

ROMANS 12: 1-3(NKJV)

When they cast you down, and you say, ‘Exaltation will come!’

Then He will save the humble person.

JOB 22:29

Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “ God resists the proud,

But gives grace to the humble.”

I PETER 5:5

Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes which I command you today, lest—when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; when your heart is lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage; who led you through that great and terrible wilderness, in which were fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty land where there was no water; who brought water for you out of the flinty rock; who fed you in the wilderness with manna, which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do you good in the end— then you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.

Deuteronomy 8:11-17

But as for me, I would seek God,

And to God I would commit my cause—

Who does great things, and unsearchable,

Marvelous things without number.

He gives rain on the earth,

And sends waters on the fields.

He sets on high those who are lowly,

And those who mourn are lifted to safety.

Job 5:8-11

For further study read these: Deuteronomy 8:17-20 & Deuteronomy 9:4-29

CHRONIC PAIN

2010-02-06T12:26:00.006-08:00

This day I am in so much back pain that I already cried, already began an argument with James; why? I have been in chronic back pain since September/20009. That is five months now. I am waiting to have a full MRI from my neck down to my tailbone, but the date they set is October 5/2010. I cried then too, as it will be a calendar year of pain if I do not get a call from them to say that there has been a cancellation and I can come in earlier.

After I have the MRI I may see the back doctor for the 2nd time 2 weeks after the MRI. I saw him in December of 2009, not my doctor, but his assistant. He asked me many questions. He gave me 2 options, lifelong cortisone shots in my back or surgery. He showed me my xrays and cat scan and explained what they would do if I elected to have surgery. He gave me the information about the surgery and the percentage of successful outcomes and of the risks. That day I elected surgery and made that my choice.

Why? I am in chronic pain day after day after day, even in my sleep. It affects the amount of things I can do; I have more limitations now than  ever before. This is discouraging to me and affects my mental health as well, easily leading me into depression. I go out very little; mainly I only go to my appointments, maybe for coffee with James and then home again. Some days I stay in my P.J.s all day, because I know but I know that I will not go out and might actually allow myself 2 days a week to stay in bed all day. I will rest, other than I usually making dinner with James or by myself.

Chronic pain wears a person down so fast. It is like an enemy that I can medicate, but it always returns to remind me why I take the meds in the first place, to alleviate the pain. My doctor gave me t3s and I am taking Neurontin again ( a medicine I took in Victoria for nerve pain): Neurontin is supposed to relieve the nerve pain associated with my back and we have had to start it and increase the dose each few days.

Today I increase my Neurontin once more. I see my precious doctor on Monday.(I say precious because for 2 years she dealt with my mental and physical health both, which took a lot of her time and extra effort.) This increase will be more difficult as I might need to rest a lot today and tomorrow. (Neurontin makes me tired.)  James just told me that he would love and support me through yet another med increase and last night I stopped a night time medication that I was weaning off of and found out it was actually keeping me awake. How? I was tired enough to go to sleep 2 hours after I took my other medications. Amazing!!! I am so happy to be able to go to sleep at a decent hour now.

I have had pain many other times in my life . That pain though was treatable and did not last this long. This time I have to use Jame's walker whenever I leave our home to go out. Without it I can only walk one block, then I am limping and in agony. By agony I mean that my back feels like it is on fire. I cannot walk through big malls and stores anymore unless I know what I want and can go directly there to get it. I have learned to ask for store directions.

Once about a year ago, James and I went to Walmart at Lougheed Mall. By the time we left I was almost in tears and could barely walk with the burning pain in my back. At those times a day of rest would stop the pain but that does not happen anymore. My feet are swollen like little piggies now. I have edema (swelling with pain) from my ankles all the way to my knees. This Monday I will get a prescription for compression stockings that I will have to wear daily. I am so grateful that when one is on disability that the ministry covers these medical needs, or I would not be able to get many things that are too expensive. (that would include my medications, my stockings, my tena products,etc.)

I have been truly blessed that James is in my life and that he is so patient and kind with me. Very few men would be able to handle my outbursts due to pain or my mental health issues. When I have appointments James does his very best to come with me so I have his support at all times. I have finally been given the gift from God of having a man who sacrificially loves me and goes out of his way to make me happy.

What makes me sad though, is that I know many people suffer with chronic pain and they are alone. They have no one to support them or to care for them on their bad days. Some of these people are even the homeless people in our city that spend more time outside than inside. If you are cold most of the time your pain increases a lot. My heart goes out to these people and some people just don't care or don't understand. In reality, unless you have suffered chronic pain it is a very hard concept to grasp.

I did a bit of research today before writing this blog and found two very good sites on chronic pain for further reading if you would like to educate yourself more on this subject. If chronic pain affects you or someone you care for I would recommend these.

http://www.jhu.edu/ and also http://pain.about.com/

The first link is for John Hopkin's University, where they do much medical research. You go to the site and on the right hand corner there is a search bar at the top. Just enter chronic pain and it will bring up 11 pages of information with 105 topics. The second link is from About.com site and I find their writing is easier to understand and when you open this page it is only on chronic pain and it describes it and gives a lot more information too.

I believe in people doing research so that when they do go and see a medical professional they can ask educated questions. Some doctors don't appreciate that, but with the internet being so available, many doctors are very helpful if you say you did some research and have some questions. My doctor and psychiatrist are getting used to me looking things up and bringing my questions or suggestions to them.

It takes awhile to build that kind of rapport with your doctor, but it is worth the effort. I want to warn you though, don't just google medical information,  go to any site and believe what you read. Go to reliable sites such as: The Mayo Clinic, John Hopkins University, Candian Mental Health Association and so on. If you need a new doctor for any reason, you can google The College Of Physicians and Surgeons for BC. There you will find on the left side of the page a link for doctors accepting new patients. These are just a few suggestions to help with your health care. I hope they are helpful for you and if you know of others that need to read this, please give them my blog url so they can access this article.

I must end this, as I need another cup of coffee. I now try to only have 2 cups in a day, as I believe it was also affecting my inability to sleep well at night. I do take an extra cup though, making 3 in a day if I need to take more than 3 t3s in a day. It helps the t3 really help, because then you have the codeine and caffeine in your medicine and also in a cup. That is why I joined the "coffee" fan club on facebook and I take much joy in going to Starbucks(also a fan of Starbucks) sometimes to get a really strong brewed coffee. You can get a Starbucks card and there are perks for us in Canada....you get a free coffee on your bday; you get free refills in the restaurant; you get to ask for flavor shots for free. So chronic pain is t3s (which tend to quash one appetite) , coffee and a lot of rest...sitting and laying (standing and walking is very painful). I hope this helps someone besides me. If you read this and like it or have other suggestions for me, please leave a comment in my comment box. Thank you.(and yes, I am addicted to good coffee...lol)

Thought for the Day:

When you are in pain give yourself permission to rest for a day or two, but also do a little bit so you don't get discouraged or depressed. Try to do things you enjoy while you rest, by rest I mean sit or lay down, not necessarily sleep. Sleep helps a little, but too much of anything will throw your life out of balance, so try to do everything a bit, just know it might take a bit longer and that's okay.

THE POWER OF WORDS

2010-02-05T00:22:00.003-08:00

Tonight I feel like crap. It's been a really rough week for me, and also for James because he shares the same home with me. I had an all day email argument with someone very near and dear to me and hurt that person very deeply with my mean and ugly words that I wrote. Did I have to write them? Yes I did. Could I have read them over before pressing SEND? Yes I could have but didn't. Will I do that next time? Yes, most certainly.

I feel like the biggest hypocrite, professing to be a Christian which means a follower of Christ, and yet letting all my ugliness come out on the page in words. Words once spoken or written can never be retracted. They have the power to bring life or death, to heal or to wound. I do have mental health issues, but that in itself is no excuse for what I did. I have also done this to one of my other friends last month. Same thing, I wrote when I was very emotional, instead of calming down first. I want to write things that help people, not hurt them. This was a very hard way to learn that I must be careful what I say, how I say it and who I say it to.

My heart and spirit have been grieving all week. I had to take a couple of tranquilizers to get through these last few days. I am thankful that my doctor gave me a few to keep on hand for days that I am overwhelmed. I have PTSD and that is one awful disease. I do not just remember, I reremember. My body literally remembers the exact feelings of the incidents I am writing or talking about; that can be very painful and can cause me to spiral into a depression as well. I need to take care of myself by having a minimum amount of emotional stress in my days. I was accused of creating drama, where the opposite was true. I avoid chaos and drama at all costs now so that I can keep my health as balanced as possible at all times.

Last June I was in the hospital and I never want to go that route again. It was a very frightening experience and James came daily to see me. He has truly been a rock for me to lean on. Between James and my faith in God's unconditional love for me (even when I screw up as often as I do), I can find the strength to go on, one day at a time, sometimes only one moment at a time. I did make a horrible mess of things this week and I am still paying the price as the hardest thing for me to do is to forgive myself. I have asked God to forgive me, I have learned how much I say can wound others and myself, but I have not been able to forgive myself.

I hold myself to very high standards, my doctors say unrealistically high. I need to learn to allow myself to grieve if a relationship fails. I need to give myself permission to have a bad day or two or even a week. I have health issues that cause a lot of havoc for me on a daily basis, right down to how much sleep I do or don't get. I need to take medications to help me stay in balance and learn coping skills that will see me through the difficult times of life. I need to respect others and allow them to be themselves with their own personalities and opinions. I need to also ask for that same respect in return and if it is not there I need to end that kind of relationship for the sake of my health and well being. I can take care of my needs and what I need help with I ask God in prayer. I find He answers me in some of the most amazing ways through some of the most unlikely people or situations.

My thought in closing for tonight... we are all human and make mistakes. Treat yourself kindly when you do and forgive yourself. Do your best to make amends, but if that is not possible, then move forward with your life and greet each day as a new day with a new beginning.

Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life.

Proverbs 4:23

FOLLOWING MY HEART

2010-02-03T02:07:00.007-08:00

Today I begin to "follow my heart"I begin to fulfill my calling in life...I begin to follow my dream...What dream you might ask? The dream to be a writer... writing can be a learned skill, but writing from the heart flows naturally.

When writing is within your spirit you must write or your spirit begins to grow sad and the dream to write begins to wither and die.

I hope you will follow me on my journey in cyberspace and I will share my heart and my experiences with you as we go along the path of life, expressed in words on this my first blog...I will learn new things as I go along and I hope you will too. Maybe you have wanted to start a blog but are unsure how or what to say. Do what I did, just get the first entry in and then the rest begin to form day by day. Don't be afraid of what others think either, it is your place to write and explore how writing is for you.

Words have a lot of power...they can help...they can wound...they can persuade...they can encourage...just know that words are spoken and written every day of our lives. I find that fact simply amazing, that there is so many people saying so many things in every different languages all around the world.

On my travels on buses in my city I found one thing that transcended all languages and broke down the barrier of communication, or rather the lack thereof. That one thing is a "smile"...for real...that simple...one smile can break down a wall in the vast multicultural world we live in. Smiles are a universal language all of their own. Smiles say hello without words.

I want to treat all people equally and with the same respect that I would like but it takes work, care and consideration. It does not just happen. We have to purpose in our hearts to treat all people of any race with dignity, respect and kindness. This would sure help bring more unity in our city and country; and it would set an example for the rest of the world to see...they would look on in awe and amazement if we all treated each other this way.

Is this an attainable goal, yes. How? One person at a time choosing to look upon every one they meet with love and kindness, maybe even with a smile or a gentle hello. If one began then it would be something that would spread like a virus through our land, only not a bad one. A virus of love and acceptance. Would that ever be a miracle, but you know what...it is a goal worth working towards.

I'm going to keep this close to my heart from now on and do my utmost to treat others the way I want to be treated; no matter what they look like, talk like or act like. I know I will have to pray and ask God to help me with this endeavor and He will...He is faithful and He is Love so He would be most pleased to help me love others...as He leads me down my path of life, I will meet many people and I might be the only one to say hi or smile at them in any given day.

Is it worth it to try this...definitely...I will. I will not just try, but I will do it on purpose. I might see the results of being kind and caring with strangers that cross my path. I would challenge you to try this, even if it is only for a week or a month...you might find it is addictive to be nice to others and hey... that is the beginning! One person at a time can make an impact and a difference to many. I hope you come on this journey with me...

GRIEF AND LOSS

2010-02-02T04:00:00.005-08:00

I remember not having much of an imagination when I was a child. I tended to be serious, a deep thinker and very diligent in my school studies. I have looked at pictures of myself from the age of one through the age of twelve and in several pictures I was holding a doll or dolls. (that's why I think I left school, tried the forces, but returned home and got married and had children...lol.)

At the age of six, I had a big switch in my life. I started school in Berlin, Germany and then my mom and I moved to Canada. We lived in Nelson,B.C. and I had to learn everything in grade one all over again in english. I remember going into my room after school with my DICK AND JANE readers and reading outloud almost daily.

My grade one teacher was Mrs. Mc Cosham and I will never forget her. She was stern yet gentle, strict yet helpful; she truly cared about her students. She would come along and lift my head up because I held my face to close to my page; (at the time we did not know I would need glasses) she would let me take the reader home so I could practice and she would call on me at least three times a week to read orally in class when we had reading time. I became fluent in reading and printing in English by the end of that year. It is a wonderful memory because I had a teacher who cared and helped me along the way.(by grade three I got straight A's in spelling as well, again much to the help I received in the first grade.)

I enjoyed school immensely and put a lot of effort into every assignment I was given. I ended up going from grade 3 to grade 5 and it was in grade 5 that I began to get homework. 10 students from my grade 3 class, which included me, were moved ahead so they did not have to had a grade 3/4 split class.

In grade 2 I was seven and lost my real father to suicide; sadly I did not know him, so I did not feel the normal feelings a child would feel if they lost their father. I don't remember having any feelings at the time. (as an adult I wrote my Father a letter).

In grade 3 at age eight I lost my step-dad's first wife Gen, she suffered from M.S. That time I felt much grief and loss and could not figure out why all these people came to our home after the funeral and were chatting and even laughing right after Gen had died...I went into my room and sobbed into my pillow. (I had lived with Bud and Gen long enough that Gen meant a lot to me, so I did have feelings, and strong ones at that for an eight year old.) I don't know how I processed those emotions but I did, but it affected my school work that year. Mr. White, my grade 3 teacher noticed that my math marks fell and was concerned.) One thing that did help though was that in grade 3 we began music and I learned to play the recorder. I loved music then, and still do to this day. I can play guitar and piano and sing.

After Gen died my Mom and Bud married and I now had a Dad and 2 older brothers by marriage, Keith and Larry. I adored Keith, he was so kind hearted. We saw Keith and Lynne and their baby Brenda who live in the U.S.; we spent time with Larry and Ruth who were teachers and lived in Victoria.
I remember camping and boating trips...my new bike for my 10th birthday and the book "Heidi" given to me from my best friend, David Hubbard; having tea and scones with Mrs. Coleman, an older lady who lived down the lane ...and being allowed to get my ears pierced when I was 12 and my dad got me small gold sleepers with a piece of coral on each. It was so nice to have a bigger family...I still remembered Gen and missed her, but I loved my Dad and that I could call him Dad. I also remember we gave him a slide projector and a screen to show off all the pictures taken on summer holidays...many memories which I hold close to my heart even today.

At the end of grade 7 I had just turned twelve , I lost my DAD, who to me was the only dad I ever knew and who meant the world to me( I only saw Keith and Larry at the funeral and then after that no more; so in losing my Dad I also lost my 2 brothers.) My Oma was over from Germany at the time and that helped me so much now looking back at that time...(I had a dream in the night that my Dad was gone, but he was always gone early to work for the railway) I knew though that something was very wrong when I woke up because my Mom was not home and Oma took me to my favorite German Delicatessen.

My Mom came into the Delicatessen that morning and said to her mom (my Oma), "Bud ist tot", meaning Bud is dead.

As an adult I do not understand why I was not taken to the hospital so I could say goodbye to my dad while he was still alive, he died of a heart attack. His death turned my world upside down and inside out. I was never the same after that. Something inside me died the day my dad died. I had feelings that I could not identify or deal with at that age and I carried that heartbreak into my adult life...

We buried my dad in New Westminster and then moved to Vancouver in the summer of 1971 . In 1996 a friend drove through New West with me and I yelled STOP THE CAR as I knew here was the cemetery where my dad was laid to rest...I got out, stood under a tree, cried for the first time since I had been a child, and said my goodbyes to my dad. (Later a counsellor suggested I write my dad and my father and my oma all goodbye letters, that was in the year 2000...and that was a huge release and healing for me.)

These are some of the losses I suffered as a child and to this day I do not know how my body/brain managed to deal with 3 deaths in the course of five years. All I know now though is this... I believe God saw and knew and had His Hand upon my child's heart during those times of loss and grief. I'm sure He did or I would have not been able to cope with anything.
So, that is an outline of my younger years up to age twelve...I write this blog to help others...and if by sharing my joys and sorrows both, I can help even one person that reads this, then it is all worth the effort. It won't be all the time that I write from my life, but some; I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) which makes talking about the past difficult at times, because i don't just remember, I reremember...In other words I feel the feelings as intensely today as I would have at the time of the actual incident.

A few years ago I asked God how I could make a difference in this world we live in...His answer was so simple..."One person at a time." and that will be engraved in my heart forever.

We all have our own life story to tell and in the telling we can receive healing and help others along life's path...It is my hope and prayer that whatever I write will touch your heart and help you know that you are not alone.

I am not writing this blog to be told how nice it is or how good it is, but rather to share a part of me with you and let you know that there is hope...and that hope is found in helping one another and also in trusting God to bring healing to your heart if it is hurting.

If you want to write your email address in my comment box you can, as it is private to me only unless I publish it on the post. If you would like me to write you in an email I would be willing to do that as time allows. It is an offer to all, and it will be kept in confidence...why? cuz I care? why? cuz I've been in that place of aloneness and pain where I have had no one to talk to or turn to for help.

I pray that all who read this will be blessed and that your heart might be softened to allow God to pour His love into the places where you hurt.

THE LORD'S MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING

2010-02-01T22:53:00.006-08:00

Hello...how's your day been...mine was quiet and relaxed...I spent some time with James this morning, we had a bite of lunch...he went out and brought me home a very nice card to remind me how special I am to him...we were both really tired...we laid down and chatted a bit about the funny things our kids did, about our memories in Vancouver, and then OOPS...I talked about an unfortunate event that happened to me in the fall of 2008...I thought...great, now I won't be able to sleep, but I sure fell asleep fast...and woke up to my alarm that I'd set...2 hour naps are the best...but ohhhh, then you have to wake up...so we shared a coffee and then I did a bit of study on the internet about some verses I thought of when I awoke from my nap...

When I was 18, I lived in a small community on the northwest coast of Vancouver Island. I was pregnant for our first child then and met a few neighbor women in the apartment we lived in. I met Marie, a precious lady who used a wheelchair daily, due to polio from her childhood. She was a wife and mother to 2 children and such a caring person...as we had coffee she asked me if I knew about Jesus? Who? I had heard of him in sunday school, but not after that...I said not really. She told me how I could ask Him into my life and left it at that...I chose to do that by her example, not of words, but by watching how she treated her children. So, just before my first daughter was born in January of 1978, in the privacy of my own home I asked Jesus to come into my life, He did.

That was 32 years ago and now I know without a doubt that all Gods promises are true and He is faithful...I have had so many answered prayers that I know too that I can ask God anything and nothing is too big or small for Him to care about. So the verses below speak of compassion and that every morning is new, they speak of hope and of waiting for God. Over time I have learned that God's timing is so well planned. Many times I have made things happen and they have not turned out well, so I am learning to wait on God and pray more so that my life is more peaceful and joyful...I want people to know me and see in me the beauty of the Lord...the love of God I want to come out of my mouth to encourage all my friends, not to preach, just to say hey I care and I'll pray for you. (And not just say I'll pray but truly do it.) I have never had many friends, but the ones I have had are lifetime friends whom I could see over a coffee and we would have the same bond today as we had 10 or 20 years ago...I would encourage you to talk to God about anything that you need help with, He does care and He always takes time to hear the cries of His children...and that we are...we are all God's children.

21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him."

(Lamentations 3:21-24)